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Last night, I drank the contents of my lava lamp, and I gained the ability to breathe fire!
It was pretty awesome. At any given time, I could now produce fire simply by exhaling. I had so much power, the likes of which no human has ever wielded before. What could I do with it? It immediately occurred to me that I could use it for selfish purposes, robbing convenience stores by threatening to set the place on fire unless I received all the cash in their register.
Or… why stop there? Fire is a very powerful destructive force. The amount of damage I could inflict with a mere thought was formidable. I could coerce just about anybody into doing just about anything with my newfound ability. If anyone refused to bow to my demands, they would be forced to watch as their valuable property went up in flames. I could get anything I wanted!
As these thoughts raced through my mind, however, I found myself asking, Would I really want to become that kind of monster? Such a life would have its benefits, but knowing that everyone else on Earth lived in fear of me would certainly get very lonely after a while.
What else, then? I could use my new power in constructive ways, to aid in demolitions and the like. Or I could simply use them for entertainment purposes, touring the country and demonstrating my unique skill for the amusement and amazement of ordinary people of all ages, races, and creeds. Perhaps in this way, I could make the world a better place than it was before I got here.
I pondered my options, but found I couldn’t come to a conclusion. Now that I had the power, what should be my first step? As these thoughts churned in my head, I started feeling hungry. I had a few hot dogs in the fridge, so I used my flame breath to roast them in an instant.
As soon as that was done, I realized: my new skill was gone. In that moment of breathing just enough fire to cook my frankfurters, I had exhausted all the power I had received. I was stunned, barely able to face the truth. All my brainstorming and soul-searching had, in the end, amounted to nothing. For selfishness or selflessness, I would never know what either path would bring.
But those hot dogs were delicious.
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I am pondering something. If you had to sneeze during your lava-state, what would that have been like?
Also, if the power returns and you become a super-hero, what name will you use? Really Hot Guy? Flameman? Oh, I know: Burnie! Hooooo, boy, good one.
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Oh, well. I guess I need to cook this hamburger, after all.
You know, I can think of only one thing niftier than the ability to breath fire: the ability to breathe fire ON WHEELS. |
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Wait a minute. You drank my birthday present to you?
Good thing I didn't buy you a nuclear reactor. |
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Amy: Thanks! Coming from a talented writer such as yourself, that means a lot.
Groovy Grady: The answer to both your questions is: Hot Snot. |
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| With that ability, I think you could have gone on America's Got Talent & won the million dollars. Wouldn't Hoff have loved that frankfurter thing? I'm not sure about Piers, though; he doesn't like much of anything. |
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