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| Name: Ryan Roe Email: prawnrr-rmv@this.com-yahoo.com Position: Movie / Television / Comic Book / Trivia Geek View Ryan's Personal Profile |
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HOST. Hello, and welcome to To Tell the Truth, where our panel of big huge famous celebrity stars hear from three different people and tries to decide which one of them is... um, which one of them wants to be a millionaire! No, wait. It’s which one of them is “telling the truth.” Let’s meet our panel. First, we have Sean St. James, former star of the long-running teen drama Jake’s World. Glad you could be here. SEAN. What show am I on? HOST. Next we have the always rarely not unfunny stand-up comedian and TV personality Laura Becker! LAURA. Hello! It’s great to be here! Really, it is! HOST. I understand you’re about to host a new daytime talk show? LAURA. Yes, and everyone’s talking about it! It’s a new show that will change the rules of daytime with its outrageousness and originality. HOST. Originality, eh? What’s the name of your new show, Laura Becker? LAURA. The New Laura Becker Show. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA! HOST. Thank you, Laura. Lovely and obnoxious as usual. And finally, we have Hollywood star Shana Jana Banana, who appeared in two episodes of Home Improvement, and was cut from a scene in Clueless. What’s your next big project, Shana? SHANA. A local car dealership commercial. HOST. Great! Now, let’s meet our guests. The guests: three men sitting behind a table. BOB #1. My name is Bob Noodlefoot, and I am dead. BOB #2. My name is Bob Noodlefoot, and I am dead. Bob #3 is slumped in his chair, his face pale and expressionless. A stage manager comes up behind him, nods his head, and says the line like a ventriloquist with a dummy. BOB #3. “My name is Bob Noodlefoot, and I am dead.” HOST. And here’s our written statement. “I, Bob Noodlefoot, am dead. Rigor mortis has set in and I am no longer breathing. When I was alive, I smelled nice and fragrant, but now I have developed a very unpleasant odor. I am pushing up the daisies.” Now let’s start the questioning. Jake, we’ll begin with you. SEAN. My name is Sean. HOST. Of course, Jake. Your questions? SEAN. Um… Number One, is your heart beating? BOB #1. No, it’s not. SEAN. Do you eat? BOB #1. No, I really don’t need to anymore, because I’m dead. I mean, it would be one thing if I were a zombie and ate human flesh… The audience laughs. SEAN. Number Three, same question. Eating? Bob #3 says nothing. His head hangs limply against his chest. SEAN. Uh-huh. Number Two, do you— HOST. Sorry, Jake, your time is up. Laura, it’s your turn to question. LAURA. Dead, eh? I think I know from dead… like the audience at my last stand-up gig! HAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA! Number Two, what is your body temperature—98.6 degrees? BOB #2. Oh, no. Not at all. I’m cold. Very cold. LAURA. Sounds like my ex-husband. AHHHHH HA HA HA HA HA-HA HA! Number One, what one word would your friends use to describe you? BOB #1. Well… I suppose the word would be “dead.” LAURA. I see. Number Three, same question. Bob #3 says nothing. LAURA. I’m sorry, can you repeat that? Bob #3 says nothing. HOST. Laura, your time is now up. Shana, it’s your turn to question our guests. SHANA. Um… Number One, how much money do you make teaching cats how to drive Jet Skis? HOST. Shana, these men are claiming to be dead. SHANA. No cats? HOST. No cats. SHANA. Oh. HOST. Would you like to ask another question? SHANA. Okay. Um… Number One, are you dead? BOB #1. Yes. SHANA. Number Two, same question. BOB #2. Yes I am. SHANA. Number Three? Bob #3 says nothing. HOST. Time’s up! That’s the end of our round. Celebrities, who do you think is the real Bob Noodlefoot? SEAN. I think it’s Number Two. He really looks natural, though. LAURA. Oh, it’s definitely Number Two. He’s got that glazed-over look in his eyes… like my agent when I asked him to get me more money for doing this show! OH! HA HA HA! HOST. Shana? SHANA. Um, I’d like to make it a true Daily Double. HOST. Okay then. And now, the moment of truth… Will the real Bob Noodlefoot please stand up? The stage manager comes to pick Bob #3 up out of his chair. The stage manager picks up Bob #3’s hand, causing him to wave. Then the stage manager lets go, causing Bob #3 to collapse on the floor. LAURA. Oh no! Looks like they fooled us! HOST. That’s right. Only one of these three men is dead, and we— Bob #2 gasps and grabs his chest. He drops dead. HOST. Hmm. Folks, we’ll be right back in just a moment—well, most of us will be back, anyway—with more To Tell the Truth! Comments on this post are closed. |
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| This was something I started writing about five years ago, when the John O'Hurley-hosted version of the show was still on. A few days ago I came across it and decided to finish it. So there it is. |
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| I laughed very, very hard at "I am pushing up the daisies." |
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| That was terrific! "How much money do you make teaching cats to jet-ski?" You rock. |
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