|
| ||
| Name: Ryan Roe Email: prawnrr-rmv@this.com-yahoo.com Position: Movie / Television / Comic Book / Trivia Geek View Ryan's Personal Profile |
| ||
| Right now, a very important scientific experiment is coming to an end. In my bathroom. You may or may not be familiar with a product called 2000 Flushes. It's a blue tablet, made of some kind of magical chemicals. You put it in your toilet tank, and it keeps your toilet clean. It also turns the water a lovely shade of blue -- a blue so pure and deep it makes me want to strip naked and dive in for a cool, refreshing potty swim.  I've used several 2000 Flushes tablets, and I've been satisfied with their performance, but I've always wondered: Are they really good for two THOUSAND flushes? That's a whole lot of flushes. It's almost as many flushes as there have been years A.D., and one-fifth as many flushes as there were maniacs in Natalie Merchant's old band. Honestly, I'd be surprised if the thing even lasted for one thousand flushes. A while back, I bought a 2000 Flushes tablet, and I mentioned my curiosity to my roommate Joe. Well, the patron saint of commodes must have been with us, because Joe just happened to have a dry-erase board which was not currently in use. So we put it on the wall in the bathroom along with a baggie containing a rainbow of dry-erase markers, and at the top of the board Joe wrote this message: "We are conducting a scientific experiment with our 2000 FLUSHES tablet. Please make a tally mark for every flush. Don't do it for us, do it for science! And so the great experiment began. Each time we flushed, we made a mark, and we insisted that our guests do the same. The idea of "flush = mark" became so ingrained in me that I started feeling the impulse to to make a red, green, blue or black mark on the wall when I flushed other people's toilets. We were mightily impressed when we reached the sum of 500 flushes... and then came the disaster that threatened to derail the whole project. During a routine bathroom visit, a screw, worn down by years of loyal service, fell out of the bottom of the tank. It was bad enough that the entire contents of the tank came gushing out to flood the bathroom, but it was worse that the remainder of the 2000 Flushes tablet caused everything to be coated with inky blueness. The worst part, though, was that all our progress thus far had suddenly been rendered moot. There was simply nothing left of the tablet, and the future looked bleak. Crestfallen, we considered giving up the whole thing. The idea of counting 500 more flushes and then some was daunting indeed. But then we asked ourselves: Would we ever be satisfied knowing how close we had come, but never knowing how much closer we could have gotten? The answer was a resounding no, and in a show of resolve that would make the Tidy Bowl man proud, Joe bought another 2000 Flushes tablet and we began anew. Once again we watched in awe as the tally marks accumulated there in the can: 250! 500! 750! And then, on one glorious day, with all our friends and family and the local news media present, we reached 1000! Months after we started, we're now well past 1,000 flushes, which is more than I ever expected. But I can tell the little guy is on his last legs. The water's just not as beautifully, heartbreakingly blue as it used to be, and it won't be long before it goes back to being water-colored and our dry erase markers will fall silent. It's not quite going to reach 2,000, but it's going to come admirably close. I'm not sure what we'll do when it's all over... Do they have tablets that turn your toilet water green or purple? Or maybe we'll just count the number of licks it takes to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Roll Pop. I'll post an update when the experiment is officially over, but right now I want to ask YOU, the readers of this journal, to exercise your predictive skills. What do you think our grand total will be? Make your guess in the comments below.  Note: The art adorning the board began as Joe's drawing of Cookie Monster saying, "Cookies are OK," but months of additional doodling and defacing by Joe, my ladyfriend Michal and myself have resulted in the crazy, inside-joke-filled mess you see here. Comments on this post are closed. |
| ||
| Hey, did you guys know "2000 flushes" is also the name of a mixed drink? Well, it is: http://supercocktails.com/15059/2000-Flushes By the way, my prediction for the grand total is 1,143. |
| ||
| Wait, what if the water has the soothing blue color at 1,999 but the bowl is clear at 2,000--shouldn't you demand a refund and start the whole project over? What if the 2,000th flush has a blue tinge and then--A Miracle--the 2,001st flush is also blue-tinted, does that mean the product should be renamed "2,001 Flushes"? And ponder whether or not the correct name for the product should be 2000 Flushes," or "2,000 Flushes." What about the comma? By the way, you should name your guessing contest "The Toilet Bowl." I'm guessing 1, 234 flushes because that number is more emotionally comforting than your number and I think somehow the universe is attaching the outcome of our next presidential election to this and the future of our country is at stake. Oh, and I think you should forward your research to David Letterman and ask for a guest spot on the show. |
| ||
| I thought I posted this comment before, but I don't see it now. Those chemical toilet things corrode toilets! That screw didn't give up on you by coincidence! Take heed. |
| ||
| I have never heard that. Can you suggest a link for further reading? |
| ||
| News News Archives Files Polls Journals Profiles Statistics Recent Comments |
| ||
All Journals
| ||