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| Name: Ryan Roe Email: prawnrr-rmv@this.com-yahoo.com Position: Movie / Television / Comic Book / Trivia Geek View Ryan's Personal Profile |
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| The music industry is fickle. It’s like a waitress who’s really friendly at first and recommends a good soup, then disappears as soon as she brings your order and never comes back to give you a refill on your pink lemonade. It’s fickle. One day you’re riding the top of the pop charts, the next day you’re nothing more than a trivia question that nobody ever gets right. Recently, I had the chance to sit down and talk with someone who used to be a prominent figure in the popular music scene, until, suddenly and unexpectedly, her career was cut short. I’d like to share with you now some excerpts from my interview with Ashlee Simpson’s old nose. RR: Thanks for taking the time to sit down with me, Ms. Nose. Ashlee Simpson’s Old Nose: Yeah, well. What else do I have going on? Since Ashlee cut me out of her life, I got nothin’. RR: It must have been quite a blow when she got her new nose. ASON: Blow? Hey, are you makin’ fun of me? Is that what this is about? RR: No, not at all! I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking. From now on, I promise to watch my mouth, Nose. ASON: Thank you. RR: So, when did you find out that Ashlee had decided to get rid of you in favor of a sleeker model? Did she tell you herself, or did she have one of her assistants break the news? ASON: That’s just the thing! She never told me! No sit-down chat, no phone call… I never even got a “Dear Schnoz…” letter! One day I was right there in a position so central to her career -- and her face -- and the next day I wake up and I’m yesterday’s nose. RR: That sounds very distressing, I’m sorry. Have you attempted to get in touch with Ashlee since then? ASON: I tried to send her a text message. But it’s kind of hard to hit those tiny keys when you’re just a nose. RR: So, it's been a while now since Ashlee let you go. Tell me – are you at least able to look back fondly on the good times you and Ashlee had together? ASON: Oh sure. I remember when I helped her hit some of those notes on “Pieces of Me.” And we had some great sneezes together. Of course, I was right there with her for the Saturday Night Live lip-synching incident too. It was so embarrassing – ha, I wanted to crawl into her nasal cavity and hide – but it brought us closer together. Or so I thought. RR: What’s your take on Ashlee’s new nose? Do you harbor a grudge somewhere in those nostrils? ASON: Nah, I’m not going to pick on the nose. I don’t have any ill will toward the new kid. But I’m still going to get a catch in my throat every time I see it on Ashlee’s face on a magazine cover. RR: A catch in your… right, okay. So, do you have any idea what the future holds for you? ASON: Actually… well, I don’t know if I should be talking about this yet. But I’ve been talking to folks about forming a new band and recording an album. RR: Oh, that’s great news! Can you tell me who it is? ASON: Well… okay. It’s going to be Kenny Rogers’ old nose, Cher’s old nose and Michael Jackson’s second, third and fourth noses. RR: Oh, that sounds exciting. Maybe I can sit down and talk to you again after that gets off the ground. Or if I can’t make it, I’ll send Joan Rivers’ old face. ASON: Yeah, okay. RR: Listen, I want to thank you for answering my questions today, and I hope to see you soon. ASON: Thanks! And can I just say, to all the folks out there: Be nice to your nose, and it’ll be nice to you. © 2007 Ryan Roe Comments on this post are closed. |
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| I'm so glad that the old nose decided not to "pick" on the new nose. That was very big of it. |
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| That's right. The old nose's integrity is nothing to sneeze at. |
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