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| Name: Ryan Roe Email: prawnrr-rmv@this.com-yahoo.com Position: Movie / Television / Comic Book / Trivia Geek View Ryan's Personal Profile |
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| Way back in November of 1996, my dad picked up a copy of a free newspaper called The Texas Times at Jerry’s restaurant in Uvalde, Texas. That newspaper contained a movie review column, and Dad showed it to me because he knew I would find it as interesting as he did. I ended up clipping it out and retaining it to this day. There’s no resident critic credited, so I have to wonder who wrote it. One of the contributing writers, in a hurry? The publisher’s 14-year-old son? A computer program? I suppose I’ll never know. I’m not going to say anything more about it. I’m simply going to reproduce the text of the column here. Please note that I have reproduced this thing exactly as it appeared in the Texas Times, with no changes. Close your Mouth and open your eyes because fall is in the air and so are a handful of great offerings at the OSCAR. Sleepers and allegedly true story about some young men, reform school and their keepers and revenge. KEVIN BACON, BRAD PITT, ROBERT D’NIRO and a powerful performance by DUSTIN HOFFMAN ( yes the same actor that played TOOTIE ). Even though the author claims this is a true story many conflicts have been raised by the media but in NO WAY have been able to adversely affect the success of this film. Adult content from Plygram/Warner Bros. Rated R. He is the hardest working man in Hollywood or at least it seems that way since he has been in so many films as of late (GENE HACKMAN is back in The Chamber. A film about a grandfather (HACKMAN) accused of a crime and destined to be executed until his long-lost grandson played by (ROBIN BOY WONDER) CHRIS ODNNEL decides to defend him just to find out more about a man he knew almost nothing about. A riveting drama with another unforgettable performance by Hackman. Imagine/Universal rated R. Still playing at a movie house near you should be The Ghost and the Darkness. Rated R from Constellation/Paramount and costarring MICHAEL DOUGLAS & VAL KILMER at first it may seem to resemble the Island of Doctor Marauo but guess again. Talk about an African safari where the lyons are way ahead of the Christians! Wow dude. Check it out! GENA DAVIS is another busy body around tinsel town. Staring in yet another film directed by hubby Ms. Davis is on a roll. Maybe you’ll remember her as the blond half of THELMA and LOUISE. This time her partner is SAMUEL L. JACKSON who you might remember as Bruce Willis’ sidekick in DIEHARD 3 THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT is your typical cops and bad guys flick with a lot of action and stuff getting blown to smitherines. If you’re in to that sort of thing, you’re gonna love it! Fifteen black guys paid for this film to be made and it just so happens that fifteen black guys GET ON THE BUS that is headed for the MILLION MAN MARCH in Washington, D.C. There to be a couple of guys along for the ride that don’t have speaking parts (I guess they couldn’t come up with enough money). SPIKE LEE is at the helm of this film about black bus riders from all walks of life united by one cause destined to go down in history. It is good DOCUMENTARY type film but one must remember that when watching this film. It views like a documentary and as such there are times that the bus slows down to a crawl and even get off track. Still around at movie houses near you are such films as THE FIRST WIVES CLUB which still manages to rake in an impressive 7.1 Million dollars week before last. If you haven’t had a chance to see the DIVINE MS. M and company you might want to make some time to catch it before its gone for a while. What flicks are still around at the DOLLAR CINEMA in the BIG cities: the latest box office bomb for KEANU REEVES, CHAIN REACTION is still limping along. When though it is a great children’s flick, DANNY DeVITO’S MATILDA also did poorly at the box office but it is definitely a must see with the kids or for the kid alone. A BIG THUMBS UP! Bad Weather still sparking up the crowds in TWISTER a movie about what else the now famous TORNADO. Arnold ( I’ll be back) rounds out the final set of flicks still hanging in there in ERASER and if you’re lucky you just might still you able to catch ID ( INDEPENDCE DAY) with the FRESH PRINCE himself WILL SMITH storming into to the sky to kick some ET’s bootie. Yeah right! TWO DAYS IN THE VALLEY, many folks think it is a rip off to JOHN TRAVOLTA’S PULP FICTION, due to the fact that the story line involves bloody murder and intrigue with several separate scenarios ending up as part of the same conclusion I can see why people compare the two, I was very impressed at how the director pasted it all together. It’s a story about a murder insurance scheme that runs totally a muck and turns to DOBLE for the conspirators. Of course at the end every one left continues on happily ever after. I liked it but then again I’m weird, who ever knew! THAT THING YOU DO – don’t TOM HANKS, swell guy, great actor, ok producer but that doesn’t make THAT THING YOU DO any better. I felt I was watching the AMERICAN BEATLE’S STORY. Been there, done that, have a “1” shirt. My advice, wait for the video to bet slightly cold on the shelf on the shelf or just before it makes it to cable. Sorry Tom love ya but fair is fair. So what are you waiting for get away form it all this weekend grab yourself a tub o’ corn and a large drink and escape in to a movie! THAT’S THE TICKET! Comments on this post are closed. |
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| What does this even mean?: "Talk about an African safari where the lyons are way ahead of the Christians!" I think "If you’re in to that sort of thing, you’re gonna love it!" should close all movie reviews. Or alternatively, "I liked it but then again I’m weird, who ever knew!" |
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| "African safari/lyons and Christians" is one of my favorite parts of the thing, which possibly relates to my love of mixed metaphors. As for "If you’re in to that sort of thing, you’re gonna love it!", it's hard to argue with that logic. The author occasionally shows evidence of actual writing ability, like "A riveting drama with another unforgettable performance by Hackman," but then he pulls out something like "a movie about what else the now famous TORNADO." Maybe he lifted some of it from ads or other reviews. |
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| "It views like a documentary and as such there are times that the bus slows down to a crawl and even get off track." That about sums up this whole offering, doesn't it? |
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| [Double post deleted.] Crud. That's the last time I click the "Refresh" button. Ever. |
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| You made this up, right?! It's a put on! It has to be! |
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| It's no put-on, my friend. Do you really think I could bring myself to write something like that? My only regret is that I never got my hands on any other copies of the Texas Times. |
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