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| Name: Ryan Roe Email: prawnrr-rmv@this.com-yahoo.com Position: Movie / Television / Comic Book / Trivia Geek View Ryan's Personal Profile |
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| Hey, kids and people. The clock on the wall says it’s fall, and that means it’s time once again for me to pore over Entertainment Weekly’s fall TV preview issue, and pass judgment on this new season of television, or as I like to call it, “TV.” As I do every year, I’m going to use my powers of prediction to bestow the title of Most Likely to Get Cancelled on four new shows I believe will be nothing more than fading memories by the end of the season. In the past, my success rate has been 62.5%, unless I did the math wrong, which I probably did. I’m a lot better at talking about TV than I am at number sense. This year’s Most Likely to Get Cancelled awards go to Til Death, Happy Hour, Vanished, and 30 Rock. Happy Hour is a sitcom on Fox that looks really, really stupid. This kind of show can go one of two ways: It can be cancelled within the first weeks of the season and never spoken of again, or it can inexplicably build a loyal viewer base and go on to get renewed for another season, like last year’s Most Likely to Get Cancelled show The War at Home. I’m going to wager on the former, but maybe I’m underestimating America’s clamoring desire for really, really stupid television shows. Til Death isn’t long for this world. Brad Garrett is the lead, and I seriously doubt that everybody loves Brad. How long until Doris Roberts or Peter Boyle guest stars? Despite the presence of my döppelganger, this show won’t last. Vanished is a drama about a kidnapping case, but it’s not the same show as Kidnapped. 30 Rock is a dramedy about a Saturday Night Live-like sketch show, but it’s not the same show as Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. TV Town just ain’t big enough for all these similar series. It was quite a challenge to choose just four MLTGC shows this season, so just for the record I’d like to mention that I have serious doubts about Shark and The Class as well. Shark doesn’t even have a talking shark in it! This season’s Worst New Show Title awards go to Men in Trees and The Knights of Prosperity. Viewers are bound to be disappointed when they tune into Men in Trees, expecting to see a race of Tarzan-like men living in a forest city, and instead find only Anne Heche. The Knights of Prosperity, which is actually a comedy, was originally conceived as a show called Let’s Rob Jeff Goldblum, which would have been a far better title. Somebody should still use that title for something. I don’t care what. A movie, a poem, a detergent. Wouldn’t you use a detergent called Let’s Rob Jeff Goldblum? Wouldn’t you try it at least once? Yes, you would, and when people said, “Your clothes smell so fresh!” you would reply, “Thank you! It’s Let’s Rob Jeff Goldblum!” and they would say, “Hoo-HAH!” and buy you parmesan-flavored buffalo wings for lunch. This year I’m introducing a new award, the Season Premiere I’m Most Looking Forward To. These days, a large percentage of dramas and comedies alike have serialized storylines, which means we’re kept waiting over the summer to find out What Happens Next. I was intrigued by the Gilmore Girls season finale, but I’m wary of the show this season, as it finds itself without its creator Amy Sherman-Palladino for the first time. The Office season finale got viewers buzzing, and got NBC making cheesy promos that misrepresent the show. It will be very interesting to see where they take things from here. But the season premiere I’m anticipating most is Lost, a show whose fun comes largely from sitting on the edge of your seat wondering what happens next. Last year’s chock-full finale offered some long-wanted answers, and brought up some crazy new questions. Where did the Others take our heroes? Are Locke and Eko still alive? What’s up with Charlie, anyway? And how come cast members keep getting pulled over by cops? Other thoughts, and I have a LOT of them: •Big Day is a comedy that follows a wedding day 24-style, in more-or-less real time. But unlike the life of a CIA agent, there are no assassination plots or bombs or car chases during most weddings, (at least not the ones I’ve been to) so how can they possibly keep the show interesting for a full season? Is anyone really going to still be watching when episode 20 is devoted entirely to doing the Electric Slide at the reception? •If Brothers and Sisters doesn’t use the song Brothers and Sisters from the 1970s children’s album and TV special Free to Be, You and Me as a theme song, they are seriously missing out. “Ain’t we happy, everybody, bein’ everybody’s sister? Ain’t we happy, everybody, lookin’ out for Mister Mister? And starring Calista Flockhart!” •I love, love, love the fact that CBS’s Sunday night lineup rhymes. It’s The Amazing Race, Cold Case, Without a Trace. I’ve tried to come up with some other ideas for rhyming lineups, but there don’t seem to be any other shows that work. Nothing really rhymes with Supernatural. Meanwhile, Cold Case has a showrunner named Veena Sud. I’m pretty sure that’s what I use to scrub my bathroom tile. •The Game features Tia Mowry, who once starred on Sister, Sister with her identical twin Tamera. This is very convenient for the producers. If Tia ever decides she wants to quit the show, they can just replace her with an actress who looks and sounds exactly like her! •Family Guy and American Dad are both back for another season of terrible. In the Entertainment Weekly article, the Family Guy executive producer says there will be a guest appearance by Chevy Chase and Beverly D’Angelo in an episode, then goes on to say, “It’s tough to explain.” Let me explain it, without having seen it: It’s a lame, unfunny reference to National Lampoon’s Vacation. •The pretty funny sitcom How I Met Your Mother is returning. I guess he hasn’t met your mother yet. The screenshots I’ve seen from this season show the character Lily, who is normally a redhead, with dark hair. If actress Alyson Hannigan’s previous work on Buffy the Vampire Slayer is any indication, I can only assume this is the season where Lily becomes posessed and tries to kill everyone. •I have a great idea for a Kidnapped promotion. The network can hold a viewer sweepstakes, and the winner will be kidnapped! They won’t be told in advance when it will happen, or even that they’ve won. It’ll be incredibly exciting, and it could not possibly go wrong. At least it’s better than my idea for a Bones promotional sweepstakes last year, where the winner would have his or her lifeless corpse studied by Emily Deschanel and David Boreanaz. •The new drama Six Degrees should have Kevin Bacon guest star as soon as possible. By the way, if you want to know how to connect Six Degrees to Kevin Bacon in six steps or less, here’s one way: Star Erika Christensen was in Traffic with Catherine Zeta-Jones, who was in Ocean’s Twelve with Julia Roberts, who was in Flatliners with Kevin Bacon. Ta-da! •The WB and UPN networks have merged to create the CW, sure to be America’s favorite TV channel with the same initials as Carl Weathers. I’m completely in favor of the CW, because it means Gilmore Girls and Veronica Mars are now in the same Tuesday-night programming block. Meanwhile, the local network affiliates left in the cold by the merger have the opportunity to become affiliates of MyNetwork TV. This kooky new network features a lineup of just two nightly soap operas, which will run for 13 weeks, at which point they will wrap up and be replaced by two new nightly soap operas. It’ll be interesting to see how the experiment works. •John Stamos joins the cast of ER. Here’s something to think about: When ER premiered, John Stamos was still on Full House. I could talk about TV for hours (and I have, at times), but I think I’m done for now. But be sure to tune in for my follow-up post, which will be the most… shocking… post…. EVER. Comments on this post are closed. |
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| Of course Locke and Eko are still alive. Desmond is a regular this season! |
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| I keep hoping that CW will bring back The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer. Actually, I've never seen the show, but I'm intrigued enough to want to see it. Does anybody know how I can get my hands on an episode? |
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| Why, there's an entire episode posted on YouTube. http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=Secret+Diary+Desmond&search=Search It's amazing the things you find there. |
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| I'm almost certain that I had searched on YouTube. |
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| I love YouTube. I'm going to go search for Homeboys From Outer Space. |
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| I'm excited about the return of Lost and Grey's Anatomy. I love both of those shows and can't wait to see what happens next. Do you know if the show What about Brian is coming back this season? I watched a few episodes and thought it was okay, but wondered if it got better. Oh and check out Bravo's website. They are running a contest each week to see who guesses correctly the show that will be canceled that week. The winners get put into a drawing each week for an IPod. You seem to be pretty good with guessing about the shows...so check it out. And...I caught 2 episodes of Men in Trees. It's okay..not really sure where they are going with the whole story though so my guess is that it won't make it but that's just my guess. |
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| What About Brian is returning to ABC, Mondays at 10:00/9:00 Central. Incidentally, its shares a co-creator/executive producer with Lost and Six Degrees, the prolific J.J. Abrams. I just had a thought... Maybe the men in trees on Men in Trees are hiding! Maybe we're supposed to look for them in the backgrounds, like Where's Waldo, or Loo-Kee from the She-Ra cartoon. |
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| The WB and UPN have merged?! This answers a lot of my questions. Except for this one: Everybody Hates Chris is coming back, right? |
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| Yes. It's on the CW now. No word yet about Shasta McNasty. |
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| Great post, Ryan. If it wasn't for the fact that I have the same last name as you, I would seriously send some of your work to the Express News and ask them to please can Chris Quinn and his attempt at a humor column in the TV section. I laughed out loud several times while reading this, which I don't think I've ever done reading his column. Plus you can construct a sentence correctly. Dad actually watched the first episode of "Men in Trees" because he heard it was quirky, like Northern Exposure. I don't think he was too impressed. |
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| Well, you'll just have to change your name. The most distressing thing about Chris Quinn, for me, is not that he has a weekly column in a major newspaper despite his lack of wit and basic writing skills. It's the fact that about 75% of the time, he likes the same stuff I do, so I'm always worried that someday I'll awake from uneasy dreams one morning to find I've been transformed into him. I think Men in Trees takes place in a small town in Alaska, so that's probably where the Northern Exposure confusion came from. |
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| If anything, worry that you might transform into Jean-Claude Van Damme. http://www.yankeepotroast.org/daily/040116.html |
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| I'm not sure I understand, but I appreciate your concern. |
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