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| Name: Ryan Roe Email: prawnrr-rmv@this.com-yahoo.com Position: Movie / Television / Comic Book / Trivia Geek View Ryan's Personal Profile |
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“Welcome to DeeDee’s Pizza, sir!” “Thank you.” “You enjoy the buffet, and if there’s anything you’d like to see out here, just let us know.” “Anything?” “Yes, sir. Anything.” “You don’t really mean anything.” “Sure I do, sir. What kind of pizza would you like?” “How about… peaches?” “Peaches? Well, we don’t get many requests for that, sir…” “A-ha! I knew you couldn’t do it!” “…but we do have a peach pizza just coming out of the oven.” “Oh. I see.” “We like to call it a ‘peach-za.” “That’s cute. Wow. A peach pizza. I guess I’ll just take a slice of this…” “Will there be anything else? We really can make any kind of pizza, sir.” “Yeah, so you say. Um… Let’s see… Okay. I bet you wouldn’t make… a chocolate bunny pizza!” “Hm. Hey, Hal? Do we have any chocolate bunnies in the back?” “Yep!” “Hal says yep.” “I heard that. What’s going on here—” “We’ll just put those bunnies on the next regular cheese pizza that comes out of the oven. We can’t bake it with the bunnies on it, you know.” “Hmm? Oh. Right.” “They would melt. Then you’d have a chocolate glop pizza.” “Um. Right.” “Would you like us to make you a chocolate glop piz—“ “No! No. No, thank you. Can… can you people really make any pizza I ask for?” “We’ve yet to get a request we couldn’t meet, sir.” “So I could ask for the strangest, most unlikely pizza, and you could put it out on the buffet here?” “Try us, sir.” “Okay. Okay, fine. Strange… unlikely… strange and unlikely… I’ve got it!” “Yes, sir?” “I would like… and ELEPHANT TOENAIL pizza! Ha haha!” “There’s one right in front of you, sir.” “What the--?!” “Another customer requested it earlier.” “But that… that’s… okay, okay. Well then, how about a seaweed and honey-roasted cashew pizza?” “That’ll take us about five to ten minutes, sir.” “Gah! Uh… watermelon! I want a watermelon and… G.I. Joe action figure pizza! HA!” “Actually…” “A-HA! I knew it! You can’t make it! I win!” “Actually, there’s one in the oven right now, sir.” “You must be joking.” “Oh, I don’t joke about quality pizza made with quality ingredients. We test every G.I. Joe figure to ensure the kung-fu grip is working properly before we bake it.” “Um, um, um… a bear claw pizza!” “Yes, sir! Did you want the pastry, or a claw from a real bear?” “Turkey jerky, lemon, and hard-boiled ostrich egg pizza!” “We’ll have that one right out for you, sir, but I should warn you, it’ll go pretty fast.” “It will?” “Yes, sir. There’s a soccer team here.” “Turtle shell pizza!” “Sure.” “The sports section from today’s Chicago Tribune, cut up into hexagons and deep fried in olive oil pizza!” “Absolutely.” “Pelican feather, hippopotamus tongue, white rose petal, cinnamon breath mint and broken glass pizza, with extra cheese!” “Oh, I’m afraid we can’t do that, sir.” “HA! I did it! I stumped you! I KNEW you couldn’t really make any pizza! It was the hippopotamus tongue, right? HA HA HAHA HA!” “No, we can make a hippo tongue pizza, sir. It’s just that we’re running out of cheese, so we can’t make a pizza with extra cheese until we get some more in tomorrow.” “ARRRRGH! Okay, listen. I have a request for a pizza that I know you absolutely, positively will not make.” “What’s that, sir?” “I want you to make a giant pizza, and I’m going to take all my clothes off and get on top of it, and I want you to put me in the oven, and bake a ME pizza! And then put it on the buffet, and let the soccer team EAT ME!” “All right, sir. If you’ll just come behind the counter here…” (Author’s Note: He was delicious with a little extra oregano.) Comments on this post are closed. |
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| I wonder if DeeDee would have been allowed to protest, had the patron requested a DeeDee pizza. I'd like a hexagonal slice of sweet banana pepper pizza, please. With extra "little fingers" eggplant, and just a dash of marigolds. |
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| Coming right up. |
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| I think there was a similar sketch on USAcres (aka the "friends" of Garfield and Friends). But don't let that stop you from thinking this was original. |
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| The item in question on U.S. Acres was an elephant foot sandwich with mustard, and the restaurant had plenty of elephants but no mustard. That's totally different from “Pelican feather, hippopotamus tongue, white rose petal, cinnamon breath mint and broken glass pizza, with extra cheese!” Plus, I think this is a tad darker than anything that was ever on Garfield and Friends. And wow, in double-checking the information in my swiss cheese memoires, I found out that U.S. Acres was actually a comic strip. I never knew that. |
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| By the way, I'd like a pizza with Camu Camu fruit [1], sprinkled with Astatine [2]. [1] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CamuCamu [2] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Astatine |
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| I remember U.S.Acres. I was the only person I know who liked the cartoon. Somewhere I have a book of the comic strip, which isn't that funny. But I don't remember the elephant foot/mustard bit at all, at least not consciously... Unless U.S. Acres is forever embedded in my psyche, and influences everything I ever do or say. That'd be weird. |
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