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Everyone dreams, but some people seem to remember dreams better than other people. I remember my dreams quite frequently, though I’m not sure why. It could be that I’m unusually connected with my unconscious mind. Maybe if I worked at it, the same inherent ability to remember dreams could be developed into the ability to control other peoples' minds. That would be cool. I could get extra chicken at Freebirds World Burrito without even paying for it.
Famous and semi-famous people often make appearances in my dreams. This is not surprising, considering my fondness for show business, but I sometimes wonder if there is any significance to the particular celebrities my brain decides to cast in its nightly productions. When I dreamed of meeting Whose Line Is It, Anyway? improvisers Brad Sherwood and Colin Mochrie on the campus of my brother’s college, why did my mind choose them to appear in the dream, and not, say, Ryan Stiles and Wayne Brady? Probably because I’ve seen Sherwood and Mochrie perform live. But what does Kelly Ripa represent to me on a subconscious level, and what does it mean that I once dreamed of having dinner with her in a fancy restaurant?
When I have a dream that I find particularly strange or amusing, I try to write it down. It can be quite entertaining to be browsing through a notebook and find a document of a dream I had two years ago that I'd completely forgotten.
Following are nine celebrity dreams of mine, taken from various times over the last few yeasr of my life. But here’s the thing: only six of them are real. The other three dreams I’ve fabricated, just now. The challenge to you, the reader of this journal, is to guess which three are products of my conscious imagination rather than my unconscious imagination.
1. I go to my Legal and Moral Issues of Communication class, and actress Jennifer Connelly is the “substitute professor” for the day. In this dream version of reality, she used to go to my church in the town of Dripping Springs, so she and I reminisce about it. As we’re talking, it seems like there’s something I should say to her, but I can’t quite think of it. Instead of teaching the class, she brings out a bunch of merchandise from her movies and sells it to us. This includes a rare book on the making of Labyrinth, and I know I’ll have to buy it. Later, I realize I had forgotten to congratulate her on her Oscar for A Beautiful Mind, and I feel like a jerk.
2. I’m on a cruise with my family. The ship is leaving San Antonio, bound for New Zealand. On our first night in the dining room, we discover that our waiter is David Letterman. I wonder if he’s shooting a bit for his show, but I don’t see any cameras so I don’t say anything. When it’s my turn to order from that night’s menu, I say I’d like to start with the chilled fruit soup, but Letterman just laughs at me. Then he says, “Maybe you should eat on the lido deck!” and my family laughs, but I don’t understand what’s funny.
3. I’m at a party with my fellow employees of the Marriott in Horseshoe Bay. It’s like a picnic, only it’s at night. The founding fathers of the United States arrive with a “hotbox” full of food. George Washington, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin are all there. Jefferson announces that it’s time for dessert, and brings out some some confections that appear to be small chocolate chip cookies baked inside larger chocolate chip cookies. I remark, “These are Cookie Newtons!” and my coworkers agree.
4. I’m at the mall, looking for a toy store so I can buy an action figure of the Marvel comics character Deadpool. Suddenly I remember I was supposed to meet my friends at the food court. I have to walk up a broken escalator, but I get there just in time to meet up with John and Monty… and actor/comedian David Cross. I’m surprised to see that he’s not wearing his moustache from Arrested Development, but he is wearing the blue body paint he wore in several episodes. After discussing for a few minutes where to get our food, we all decide on the Chinese place.
5. My mom and I are at SeaWorld, in the audience at the Shamu show, when we spy Sandra Bullock sitting across the stadium aisle from us. I introduce myself, and explain that my dad was the guy who asked her a question on The Daily Show. She laughs and says she remembers. I tell her I wrote her a letter about the incident (which is true in real life) and ask her why she never wrote back, but she doesn’t really answer the question.
6. I’ve just graduated from college. As I’m standing outside the auditorium, I see some familiar faces: Gordon, Susan, Maria and Bob from Sesame Street! They came to see me graduate! Luis is conspicuously absent, but the rest of them tell me they’re proud of me. I reply, “Thanks, but I couldn’t have done it without you. I never could have passed my science classes if I didn’t know which one of these things was not like the other.”
7. My plane has just landed at LaGuardia airport for a visit to New York City. I’m trying to figure out which bus to take into the city, but there’s a confusing mass of buses outside, all going different directions. I approach a bus driver to ask for his help… and it’s Howie Mandel. He gives me complicated directions that don’t help at all (and he doesn’t even offer me a briefcase full of money), so I just start walking.
8. I’m at a Whataburger in Hondo, Texas, which doesn’t seem odd in the dream world, although in reality Hondo has no Whataburger. Conan O’Brien and comic actress Jan Hooks enter, which sets the restaurant abuzz. I ask Conan to autograph a tray liner for me, and to make it out to Ryan. When he hands it back to me, I’m quite excited, until I see that he simply wrote “Ryan,” without signing his name.
9. I’m standing on the sidewalk of Getty Street in my hometown of Uvalde, holding my dog on a leash and waiting for a parade to begin. Actress Lori Loughlin from TV’s Full House is standing near me in the crowd. I want to speak to her, but all I can think to talk about is Full House, and I’m sure she’s sick of hearing about it. I know she was on a drama on the WB more recently, but I can’t remember the name of it, so I don’t say anything. When the parade starts, John Stamos is standing on the first float, waving and throwing candy to kids. I figure Ms. Loughlin came to the parade to see him.
There they are. Before you say anything: Yes, I realize that publicly reproducing my dreams here leaves them open to interpretation, and that I may have just revealed some dark, twisted corner of my mind – the corner behind the old couch, perhaps, where no one ever cleans, and it’s full of dust balls, and old, long-forgotten kernels of dropped popcorn, and a filthy bicentennial quarter, and my most depraved thoughts which I constantly struggle to suppress, and a Happy Meal toy of Dory from Finding Nemo.
Anyway. Which three of the above celebrity dreams do you think are fake? Make your guesses in the comments thingy below.
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| I'm gonna guess that the Full House, Howie Mandel, and Conan dreams are fake. |
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Freebirds has no apostrophe? I never would have guessed. In fact, I don't know whether to be more taken aback by that or by your Kelly Ripa dream.
I wish I could invite the cast of Sesame Street to see me graduate - but we're only given four tickets apiece. Maybe if I stayed home, my sister could go.
Man, I was hoping that one of the dreams would feature Darth Vader - either as a bank teller or a receptionist at the doctor's office - but there's no such option. Since I can't choose that, I'll guess that the Letterman, Founding Fathers, and David Cross dreams are fake. David Cross, as do most men who aren't Kevin Kline, looks better without a moustache - but unlike most men, blue body paint seems to do him a service. |
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| A cruise ship? Leaving San Antonio? Um, wouldn't that be a pretty short cruise? You must be dreaming. G |
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| Numbers 2, 6 and 9 are fake. I think. Maybe. |
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| I'm going to go with numbers 2, 5, and 9 as fake, but I'm not sure why. But I do remember that you've always had vivid dreams, ever since you were just a lad. You would describe them in great detail over breakfast. |
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The people who have guessed so far are people who know me pretty well... but no one's correctly guessed all three yet. I will give you, though, that at least one of you has correctly identified two of the fake dreams.
Michal: Freebirds has no apostrophe, at least when you're talking about world burritos. Also, Kelly Ripa means nothing to me, I swear. And for the record, Kathie Lee Gifford means even less to me. |
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| Number 1 is definitely the made up dream! |
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| I say the Founding Fathers picnic, Howie Madel the bus driver, and Full House Parade are all fake. |
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Okay, folks. It's time for the truth to be told. The made-up dreams are #2 (David Letterman as cruise ship waiter), #4 (David Cross at the food court), and #9 (Lori Loughlin watches John Stamos in a parade). Nobody guessed them all, but Michal, Carolyn and Tricia all guessed two out of three correctly. Well done, ladies.
My celebrity dreams continue... Last week I had a dream that featured supermodel/TV personality Tyra Banks. She did not tell me whether I have what it takes to be America's Next Top Model. |
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| Ha ha. Girls are more intuitive than guys. |
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