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| Name: Ryan Roe Email: prawnrr-rmv@this.com-yahoo.com Position: Movie / Television / Comic Book / Trivia Geek View Ryan's Personal Profile |
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As far as I’m concerned, Mickey Mouse means trouble. That’s right, Mickey Mouse. The cartoon character. Let me tell you what I’m talkin’ about. See, me and my wife—my ex-wife now—we celebrated our eighth anniversary, and I had this great idea of buying us matching watches. I got me a Mickey Mouse watch, and I got her a Minnie Mouse watch. You remember Minnie Mouse, right? She’s a little girl mouse. Mickey’s girlfriend. It’s like, Donald Duck’s girlfriend is Daisy Duck, and Mickey Mouse’s girlfriend is Minnie Mouse. I don’t think Goofy ever had a girlfriend. Anyway, these watches ain’t cheap. I’m talkin’ fifty bucks a pop. Fifty bucks for a watch with a picture of a mouse on it! But whatever, man. It was our anniversary, so money was no object. So I showed my wife these watches, and I gave her the Minnie Mouse one. And she breaks down crying! And that’s when she tells me she’s been havin’ an affair with some jerk from work. Well, that was the end of that marriage. It’s like, after that, what else is there, you know what I mean? So we got divorced. Then a couple years later, I had this girlfriend. We had been going out for almost a year there, and her birthday was coming up. I figured, despite what happened with my wife, women like Mickey Mouse, right? So like a dummy, I decide to buy her this giant Mickey Mouse doll. I mean, this sucker was huge—I swear it was as tall as you. Okay, maybe it wasn’t as tall as you, but it was half as tall. It was pretty expensive too. I don’t know what it is about Mickey Mouse stuff. I guess the Disney people figure people really like him, so people will pay any goldang amount they want to charge for him. So I give my girlfriend this big old Mickey doll, and she’s all happy and sayin’ thank you and you’re so great and everything. But guess what happens the next day? She breaks up with me! I couldn’t believe it! She never would tell me why. It was just over, just like that. One day, happiness. Then came Mickey Mouse, and the next day, it's like... misery. Then one day I decided to take my kids to Disneyland. Every parent wants to take his kids to Disneyland. Well, we’re walking around the park, and we see Mickey Mouse shaking hands with kids and signing autographs. My kids—I got a son and a daughter from that ex-wife—my kids go nuts. They want to meet Mickey Mouse. “Let’s talk to Mickey! We have to talk to Mickey!” I see that Mickey’s sort of walking away, toward one of those doors that says “Employees Only” or “Cast Members Only” or whatever the hell it is. So I yell, “Mickey, hold on! We want an autograph!” Mickey doesn’t stop, he just keeps right on going. So I yell louder, “Mickey, wait! My kids want to meet you, Mickey Mouse!” He kind of turns around and waves, but he’s not stoppin’. Now, I don’t know if I just had some bad associations with Mickey Mouse because of my past girl trouble, or if it was something else, but that just made me mad. I just couldn’t let him leave my kids in the lurch like that. So I chased down Mickey Mouse, and I started punchin’ him. His head sort of spun around, which would have been funny under different circumstances. But there were all these kids standing there, and they saw it happen. They all started crying, including my kids. And that’s why I’m here in jail. Comments on this post are closed. |
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| Good stuff. Was it inspired by that Cookie Monster incident a few years back? |
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| That probably had something to do with it. The initial inspiration came from an actual anecdote I heard a guy tell at work, but the story you see above now bears little resemblance to it. |
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